Tell me that everything's going to be alright.

Recently, I became a facilitator for a Night Cyling Event. Yet again, I was given the toughest group of kids to handle. It was tough for me but I'm glad my co-faci was always there to keep me sane and ensure that i was safe always.

But at the start, it was really a torture. Cycling around West Coast Park and East Coast Park. The two places that I had unforgettable memories with you. Better still, I had to partner up with your other half. It was painful; knowing that what used to be our special place, is no longer ours. I cried while cycling around WCP.  It's the place where we sat beside the sea, we had the scenery all to ourselves. Where you looked at me as if I was the best thing that had ever happened in your life.

You promised me you wouldn't leave. (If i ever left you, just find me at Bukit Batok Blk 314 - him)  How can I not be angry. How can I not be sad. How can I not feel betrayed. You lied. It's been 7 months and I'm still not over you. Stupid right?

And now that the entire group knows about you and her; 'ship-ing the both of you on whatsapp'. How can I live with that? As much as I want to leave that group, it's my responsibility to stay as a comm member. Why did I even join in the first place? It's like I'm stabbing myself every single day. I was the cause to all of this. Dumb dayah dumb.

I should just dissappear. People won't notice anyways.

He found you lost, and guided you.

Ya Allah, sesungguhnya aku tak kuat untuk menghadapi semua ini. Berkali-kali ku cuba untuk melupakannya, berkali-kali ku cuba untuk menghilangkan perasaan ini. Tapi aku gagal, ya Allah. Aku ini hanya insan yang lemah.

Jadi kuatkanlah hati ini, izinkan aku untuk redha dengan qada dan qadar mu. Setiap air mata yang mengalir kerananya, harap engkau hapuskanlah dosa yang telah kita lakukan. Supaya apabila aku benar-benar terima hakikat ini, aku boleh teruskan hidupku tanpa memikir tentangnya lagi.

Jika dia jodohku, dekatilah kami. Tapi kalau dia bukan jodohku, jauhilah aku daripadanya. Izinkanlah aku untuk merasa cinta semula tapi kali ini, ku harap ia adalah cinta terakhirku.

Why are you sad when Allah is always there for you?

Allah only takes things away from you only because He wants to give you something better. He loves you and He only wants the best for you.

It may be hard to understand why things happened to us. Why bad things happened to us. But there is wisdom behind everything that happened. Trust Allah because He is the best of planners. You may not understand it now, but you will understand it eventually.

I am at point in my life where I actually do feel jealous seeing my friends, one by one getting engaged, one by one finding their love partner and here I am eating oreo with HL milk on the floor.

I really don't know. If he's really not meant for you, there's no way that you'll be together right?
Tawakkal dayah. Berserah kepada Allah. Allah loves you.❤

Blessed to be able to live yet another day

I remembered that day when I was so sick. I even vomited at the bus interchange, I felt so ashamed, i ran to the nearest toilet and cried inside the cubicle.
Thank god, my sis in law and brother rushed over to pick me up. Next thing i remembered, I was in a taxi on the way to the hospital. In the taxi, "Yellow by Coldplay" was being played. So much emotions, i can't even tell. Maybe, just maybe, i miss you(?)
That 6 hrs in the hospital was no joke. It was the most horrible moment in my life so far. [Yes, getting dumped by someone you love is not that horrible after all.]
Anyways, after this incident, it really taught me to appreciate life more. Live life to the fullest they say, so true. I have to start loving myself before i can start loving others.❤