Love yourself

You need to know your self-worth. You need to love yourself before you can start loving others.

"My heart is at ease knowing that what was meant for me will never miss me and that what misses me was never meant for me." - Imam Shafi'i

Ya Allah, please ease my journey towards worshipping You. Please strengthen my faith towards You. I've sinned so much and please don't put me back into what You once took me out from.

LNT

Work has been surprisingly great for the past 2 weeks. No dramas, no lies, no scoldings. As i'm typing this, I really hope that things stay the way it is.

It's tiring. Of course. Mentally and physically draining. But i love my job as a teacher. No doubt. Is it too early to dream big? My goal is to become a malay teacher one day, in shaa Allah. I really hope to achieve that.

Innitially i wanted to rant in this post but i decided not to. And I don't see the need to anymore.

Allah listens and that's all that matter.

"Nasib I sayang"

I used to think that we are worlds apart.
"He's not that bad after all." - I tell that to myself every time I see you.
I used to think that you will never notice me. Never.

Sometimes I look at you and wonder how you can be so cute all the time.
Sometimes I look at you and wonder when will you be mine.

I remember when I was so sick that night and you sent me home. Putting your jacket on me to keep me warm. Listening to my constant rants and complaints. Just spending time together, looking at the moon. Still complaining to you about my past relationship. What an idiot. I still didn't notice that you liked me then. My entire world falls apart, my heart was shattered and I thought I would never be able to love again.

And then you came along and my life became beautiful. You knocked down the walls that I built so high. You taught me how to love again. Among all those guys that I've ever been with, you were the only one who was serious, who put in as much effort to make this relationship work.

I am so happy to have you in my life, please don't ever leave.

I question myself everyday.
Am I doing this right? Am I teaching this kids right?
What if I'm not teaching them to their fullest potential.
When I was a kid, I so badly wanted to become a teacher one day. And today as I live that dream, I feel guilty. I feel really guilty because I don't know if I am teaching them right. The responsibility as a teacher is so heavy. I come to work everyday, searching for something to spark the passion in me. Is it the environment? Is it the people? Or is it just me?
I really hope that this career is the right one for me.

Rezeki comes in many forms.

Sometimes, we tend to overlook it.
Sometimes, we think that we know better.
Then, there are times where you feel that your life is unfair.
Your life is miserable.
It's okay.
It's okay to feel that way.

Ever feel like everyone doesn't agree on the things that you do?
Ever feel like hiding under the blanket and go disappear?

What if i say, these are all normal?
Am I being a sadist?

I love moments like this.

Disaat hati terasa pilu,

bulan yang ku cari dahulu.

Disaat aku masih buta,

ku gagal melihatmu, cinta.

Mungkin sukar untukku terima,

kehadiranmu buatku gembira.

Mungkin kini aku sedar,

engkau datang mengubat duka.

Hari berganti hari,

engkau hadir sebagai penyeri.

Hari berganti hari,

engkau sahaja yang aku sayangi.

Tatkala bibir mengucapkan sah,

hati yang bersatu takkan terpisah.

Tatkala masjid sudah dibina,

Cerita kita kini bermula.

Sayang,

Inginku dakap tubuhmu

Inginku dengar ketawa riangmu

Inginku sering lihat senyuman manismu

Inginku jadi bakal isterimu

Suatu hari nanti, dengan izin Allah.

Time will tell

I feel like my life has changed so much in the past few months. For the better or for worse? Only time will tell. For now, i'll just take it slow. I need to breathe and calm myself down. Everything will be fine dayah. Stop worrying so much.

A step at a time

I've never felt so scared before. Right now, i'm scared of so many things. So many things i want to achieve but it's difficult. It's just that, things are getting real and i feel like i'm still in a dream. Wake up dayah, wake up. You're turning 21.