Patience

"Nothing compares, no worries or cares. Regrets and mistakes, there are memories made. Who would have known how, bittersweet this taste."

The one thing that I thought I was really good at but turned out to be what I lack most. Patience was what I was lacking of. I thought that from the experience of being a facilitator for previous camps will make it more easier for me for the PPIS Camp. Well, I was definitely wrong. It was tough indeed. 10 kids with very extreme personalities. A few notorious ones, a special need kid and a few clingy ones. I thought it could be easy to 'tame' them, but it was definitely difficult and something that I cannot handle alone. Alhamdulillah, I received plenty of support from my co-faci abg Aiman, Saiful, Fathi, Mohan, Shy and Zaid. If not for them, I would have long given up. 

This camp was definitely an eye opener for me. I learned alot about myself and I hope this isn't the last, InsyaAllah.

'Cause I've still got, alot of of fight left in me"

Its getting more depressing each day. Don't ask me why. I myself, don't have an answer to that. Tbh, it could just be me. I can just blame it all on myself.

Come on dayah. You're stronger than this. Please.

Pain is inevitable

Nothing is the same anymore. Pain is what I'm going thru right now. Pain is indeed inevitable. I'm hurt. But all I can do is to pray for myself to be patient, to be calm and to not hurt others. If they hurt you, just close your eyes, take a deep breath and put your ego aside. You'll learn to accept things. No matter how hard it is, no matter how hard it gets, you'll be at this state where this no longer matters. However, when you try as hard as you can to make things back to normal, and the other party just cannot be bothered anymore. That's when it starts to get hurt even more. You'll be out of control. You'll just keep thinking about it. You'll keep telling yourself, "It's okay. It's okay." But its NOT.

And then when the time comes for you to tell your side of the story, that's when things will go haywire. You'll start hurting the other party. But the problem is, should you tell the truth when its gonna hurt the other party or should you just keep quiet and its gonna hurt you even more badly. Then thats when you'll start to ponder. Is it you>others or others>you.

What should i do? I'm changing to become a person that I fear most. I know Allah has better plans for me. I hope just hope i don't fall before i even start trying.