Patience

"Nothing compares, no worries or cares. Regrets and mistakes, there are memories made. Who would have known how, bittersweet this taste."

The one thing that I thought I was really good at but turned out to be what I lack most. Patience was what I was lacking of. I thought that from the experience of being a facilitator for previous camps will make it more easier for me for the PPIS Camp. Well, I was definitely wrong. It was tough indeed. 10 kids with very extreme personalities. A few notorious ones, a special need kid and a few clingy ones. I thought it could be easy to 'tame' them, but it was definitely difficult and something that I cannot handle alone. Alhamdulillah, I received plenty of support from my co-faci abg Aiman, Saiful, Fathi, Mohan, Shy and Zaid. If not for them, I would have long given up. 

This camp was definitely an eye opener for me. I learned alot about myself and I hope this isn't the last, InsyaAllah.

'Cause I've still got, alot of of fight left in me"

Its getting more depressing each day. Don't ask me why. I myself, don't have an answer to that. Tbh, it could just be me. I can just blame it all on myself.

Come on dayah. You're stronger than this. Please.

Pain is inevitable

Nothing is the same anymore. Pain is what I'm going thru right now. Pain is indeed inevitable. I'm hurt. But all I can do is to pray for myself to be patient, to be calm and to not hurt others. If they hurt you, just close your eyes, take a deep breath and put your ego aside. You'll learn to accept things. No matter how hard it is, no matter how hard it gets, you'll be at this state where this no longer matters. However, when you try as hard as you can to make things back to normal, and the other party just cannot be bothered anymore. That's when it starts to get hurt even more. You'll be out of control. You'll just keep thinking about it. You'll keep telling yourself, "It's okay. It's okay." But its NOT.

And then when the time comes for you to tell your side of the story, that's when things will go haywire. You'll start hurting the other party. But the problem is, should you tell the truth when its gonna hurt the other party or should you just keep quiet and its gonna hurt you even more badly. Then thats when you'll start to ponder. Is it you>others or others>you.

What should i do? I'm changing to become a person that I fear most. I know Allah has better plans for me. I hope just hope i don't fall before i even start trying.

A step back & ten steps forward

Time for me to move on with life and do what I do best. Time for me to put a smile on others. To contribute back to the society. Back to back community service to gain back my spirit of helping others. That's what i love to do. That's what makes me happy. Even if it means I'm all alone. But I'm never alone, because Allah is always there for me. :')

She's a human after all

People broke her. They made her become like that.

She's broken. She's hurt. But she's strong.

A hug is all you need to make yourself feel better

You control your own happiness. It's easy actually. I managed to do it this morning. I was alone. I put a smile on strangers face. Idk why but its just easier to smile when you know that someone else is smiling because of you.

Hugs. I love hugs.

I'm used to people not hugging me back,and I'll just laughed it off when it happens. But to be honest, it hurts. Imagine you hugging yr mum & she doesn't hug you back. It hurts right? The same exact feeling everytime. You know what hurts more? They reject yr hug, but they'll be happily hug a friend who's directly beside you. Irony huh.

Learn to let go. I made tons of mistakes in my life. A whole lot of mistakes. If I hurt you, please tell me. Please remind me of how stupid I was at that moment. Don't disappear just like that. Don't disappear without an explanation. Cause one day I might just give up and walk away. Even if you don't care, I still care. Stupid isn't it? To know that you don't worth anything to them, but you're still there hoping for a miracle to happen.

Ever since that day, I kept telling myself to shut up. And honestly I no longer talk alot. I'm just afraid to talk. I'm afraid that my words might hurt others.

Just afraid.

"I'm used to it."

Are you really used to it?
If yes, that means you wouldn't talk about it and it shouldn't hurt you even if just a little. I'm used to it-it has become a norm for people to use it regularly. Its like telling others that you have no feelings and its perfectly fine for you to hurt me again and again. Why? Cause you're "immune" to it. And its not as if after that you'll be okay with it, it will keep on repeating in your head to warn you that if a similar situation were to ever happen again, you'll be prepared for it. Why? Cause "I'm used to it". But then what? The cycle repeats. Its like there's no end to it. You'll keep on dwelling about it.
And trust me, its not healthy in the long run. Well before I start dwelling on useless stuffs. I guess its best to sleep now  (:

HEY! SMILE ALRIGHT!

Stay strong

Alhamdulillah for the opportunity given yesterday. Went for a talk at Al-Ansar Mosque. The topic was "Ada apa dengan cinta?" (What is it with love?)

A topic which is close to my heart. I went there thinking that the talk was on "love for the opp gender(future spouse)". Indeed I was wrong. The love for Allah swt. Something that we have to reflect upon. We're so busy searching for love in this dunya that we forget about the One who loves us unconditionally. Sometimes you have to let go of the people that you love most to gain back the love from Allah. Happiness only comes from Allah.

"Allah itu dekat, yang jauh itu kita." :')

He is the most merciful, the most forgiving. He's always giving us a chance to repent. No matter how big your mountain of sins, if you're sincere, and you want to repent, InsyaAllah you'll be forgiven. Give yourself a chance. Just don't repeat the same mistakes.
To the one reading this, may Allah ease your affairs. He won't give you problems that you can't overcome. Stay strong.

Have patience

Peace be upon you.

As you are reading this, I hope you are doing well. This is the first time that I am actually letting my blog go public. Took me a very long time to think of a new blog name and URL. And yes, I deleted my previous blog. Too much feels in that blog and it's time for me to forget about the past and focus on what's in store for me now. The present. Firstly, we are all in charge of our own happiness. That's something that we have to live on everyday. "Life is like an hour glass". Exactly how my life is right now. I was given a choice but its up to me whether to accept it or not. An hour glass is so fragile, and has such limited time. You only have that little time to make a decision. At the end of the day, you will only regret the choices that you didn't make. And all it takes is patience. As much patience that I have for my laptop, but this time for the people around me and my surroundings.

To be grateful of the what I have and don't have. "He will give you something better than what was taken from you." Always be grateful.

Dayah