I, myself needed that Hidayah long time ago

It's just so scary. I need to remind myself that all of this is just a test. And that everything is temporary.

A random acquaintance came to me to ask me more about my sharing session. Tbh, I wasn't prepared. And i think i gave a wrong impression to those who came to the sharing session last week. (idk, just a feeling) :/

I'm still this confused girl. I attend all these talks and classes because I want to learn more about my religion, I want to discover myself. I want this time 'alone' to connect with the Almighty.

Please don't see me as someone who is up there, cause I'm really not and you don't know me. I still aim to be in a profession related to kids. I have no plans of becoming an ustazah. (Yes it is a respected profession but just because I want to learn more about my religion doesn't mean I plan to teach in this field.) I am insecure about myself and I really hope people don't misjudge me for who I really am. Just because I wore the hijab doesn't mean I can read the Quran well or have a good understanding about this religion. I'm still learning and my knowledge is really limited. So please don't see me as someone who know this religion well. I'm really scared.

I really hope people don't see the bad side of me. Cause I don't think I can heal from that.

And a good friend of mine shared this to me earlier on. :')

Surah Al-Hadid, Verse 22:
Tidak ada sesuatu kesusahan (atau bala bencana) yang ditimpakan di bumi, dan tidak juga yang menimpa diri kamu, melainkan telah sedia ada di dalam Kitab (pengetahuan Kami) sebelum Kami menjadikannya; sesungguhnya mengadakan yang demikian itu adalah mudah bagi Allah.

Surah Al-Hadid, Verse 23:
(Kamu diberitahu tentang itu) supaya kamu tidak bersedih hati akan apa yang telah luput daripada kamu, dan tidak pula bergembira (secara sombong dan bangga) dengan apa yang diberikan kepada kamu. Dan (ingatlah), Allah tidak suka kepada tiap-tiap orang yang sombong takbur, lagi membanggakan diri.

HE is telling us that its part of takdir and its easier for us to accept things that's beyond our controls. And it doesn't stop there.

JazakaAllah khair. May Allah protect us from the fitnah of this world and may He ease our affairs. Things will get harder but just know that Allah is always there for you. The little good deeds that you do will be rewarded multiple times by Him, in shaa Allah.

Keep me in your prayers.